You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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