I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
