he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
