Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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