i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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