did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
