Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize