Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
