The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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