mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
