see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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