I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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