some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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