So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize