I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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