she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
