I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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