He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
