HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
