Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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