I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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