What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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