I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
