My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
