Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
