i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
