I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
