Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
