Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize