On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize