you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
