They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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