Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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