someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I will be naked everywhere
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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