Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
