my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize