he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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