Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Congratulations! We have a period
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
