i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
