Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
