Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
