Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
