HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
