she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
