I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
