I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
