She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
