ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
