she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
