He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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