You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
