i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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