brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
