I just cut my nipple shaving
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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