we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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