My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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