haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We left the knife in your bed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
