my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
