I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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