He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize