yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
