I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We're too hungover to prance.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
