I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
