I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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