So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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