I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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