His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
