Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize